Vulnerability Chronicles: Navigating the Roller Coaster of Real-Life Experiences

Small but Meaningful Vulnerable Moments

Vulnerability has been my VIP guest in the VIP section of my mind for the past few years. I've been navigating its twists and turns ever since my pal introduced me to attachment styles. Now, for my third and potentially last (but who's counting?) post on the matter, I thought I'd dish out some real-life examples of how I've been tiptoeing into vulnerability. Because let's be honest, when I asked Google for tips on "how to practice vulnerability," it responded with vague suggestions as useful as a chocolate teapot. Time to spill some practical beans instead...

Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.- Brené Brown

Discovering I'm an avoidant attachment type was like finding out I have a secret talent for juggling invisible emotions. Vulnerability, it turns out, is the antidote to feeling secure in relationships. I've been wrestling with relationships like a confused octopus most of my life, but in the past year, I've been dipping my toe into vulnerability puddles, attempting to build trust and intimacy. It's been a genuine experiment – a roller coaster of emotions. On reflection, it feels like I've hit more 'wrong' buttons than a toddler with a remote. Though, let's ditch the wrong and right labels and call it what it is – a crash course in life lessons.

1. Working on boundaries

Dodging emotions like anger and confrontation has become my unsung superpower. I'd rather ghost people than endure an uncomfortable conversation – call it my signature move. But this year, I threw caution to the wind and had 'the conversation' with friends I wholeheartedly trust. They didn't ditch me as I'd secretly feared. Instead, we have some firmer boundaries in place whilst I do some valuable work around anger and confrontation.

2. Stripping back the filters

My teenage diary met an untimely demise due to potential prying eyes, leaving me with a head full of trapped thoughts during my angsty years. Enter the 'super-secret' blog phase to spill my guts anonymously. Fast forward to now – I've been more honest about my mental health on social media and I can leave my journal around my home knowing my partner won’t pry. Recently, I peeled away another layer of filters by confessing my love for burlesque. It's my sassy way of flipping the bird to body image issues, bizarre fitness norms and what some of the well-being community deems inappropriate.

3. Letting go of the heavy load

Now, onto the tumultuous journey of physical fitness.

Weight, confidence, and exercise formed a Bermuda Triangle of confusion for me ever since I hit puberty. I was never OK with my body and over the years I've been learning to take a neutral stance around my aesthetic and focusing more on function. But during the pandemic roller coaster, I gained about three stone, reaching peak discomfort. The vulnerable part was admitting I wasn't functioning. I've since shed a healthy (for me) 3.5 stone without resorting to extreme measures. For the first time, I'm becoming the captain of my physical fitness ship, and it's surprisingly liberating.

4. Embracing quirks.

I recently discovered I'm the proud owner of dyspraxia – not exactly a label enthusiast, but knowing my quirks is like having a secret treasure map. One memorable moment was during a SUP yoga escapade when my lack of dexterity became evident. Instead of playing it cool, I asked for help. Lesson learned: no shame in asking for a hand. Ironically, being more vocal about my dyspraxia seems to have tamed its usual antics. Turns out, stressing and feeling ashamed about limitations only makes them throw a bigger tantrum.

5. Going dark

I have always struggled with my social media usage - I think they call it Doom scrolling nowadays. This need to be switched on, connected and available has an insatiable appetite! I fondly remember the year I went without having a mobile and funnily enough I LIVED just fine. Technology is in nearly every part of our day-to-day living and 'they' make you think without it, you're not a functioning part of society or you're anti-social. Nowadays my best day-to-day life is lived offline but I still struggle with FOMO and digital addiction. In a bid to overcome it, my notifications are switched off and my phone is set to ‘do not disturb’. As a business it feels odd to not be actively waiting by the phone to hear from customers but I remind myself this is why voicemail was invented. Every year from mid-December to mid-January, I aim to go 'dark' on social. I also plan to write more here since I won't be distracted by any of Tom, Dick and Harry's adventures...

6. Reminding myself and others that I am changing

I have been in a committed relationship for nearly 9 years, that's a hell of a long time for someone sure she had commitment issues! In more recent years, I've struggled with comparing myself with who I used to be in the relationship to who I am now. I was uncomfortable with the idea of wanting and needing different things - I like things to stay the same even if it's at a cost to me because the fear of the unknown rocks the boat. I was feeling pretty miserable about not being able to communicate my feelings and it was doing more damage than good. I realised that even as a childless by choice woman, who grew up in a single-parent family with strong females around me, I still had lots of conditioning around what women 'should' want from a relationship. And this applies to friendships too. So I've been learning to let that sh!t go and be more honest and open about what I need even if it's hard to say and hear.

On reflection…

The ability to choose when, where and how I express vulnerability has certainly been a positive and empowering approach. With every honest conversation, each moment of opening up, and each genuine expression, it's like giving that vulnerability muscle a workout. It's a process – sometimes challenging, sometimes uncomfortable, but with consistent practice, it becomes more resilient. I’m finding myself lifting emotional weights I never thought possible, and that vulnerability muscle becomes a powerful force in shaping meaningful connections and authentic relationships with myself and others.

And as ever, it’s a work in progress. :)